Someday our pain will be champagne

its weird coming home a lot has change from the last time I was here but that isn’t even why I feel so weird and uncomfortable here. Coming home for spring you would think I would be happy having a break from school after finals and the stress of everything. But the stress has carried over and I don’t know how to describe it and I think the only I can compare it to is yup you guessed it those of you who know me sports basketball specifically. I feel like I’ve been given many chances made one too many excuses for myself and this past quarter was the final straw it feels like I’ve played the game trailing the other team the whole game and we are down 2 with 5 seconds left. Everybody is standing up and u can hear a pin drop in the builiding and this whole game has been an uphill climb for me cause in this analogy I am the underdog team. It’s like remember the titans or any sports movie where someone dies and its more than just a game now. I’ve been losing a lot and is seems like bad luck every quarter in school and in this analogy and its the final quarter the 4th and I showed up gave it my all. I shoot the ball and it feels like I blacked out before the ball went in and somebody kidnapped and I do not know the results of the game. I’m more stressed of just thinking about I’ve been getting the same amount of sleep I was last week slim to none when I was studying but this its different there are tears because I am afraid of defeat so I cry myself to sleep every night and its like I keep checking the scores online and they aren’t up. I don’t know how long I can keep this up. All I know is I gave it my all and I hope I come out on top. The ball left my hands already and there is nothing I can do about no control whatsoever and this by far is one of the worst feelings I have been forced to adapt to in my life. I will have my life altering results by next week. I hope I made the game winner so I can start fresh a new season. Its been ugly I’m torn up and beat down mentally. Let go and Let God people watching jeresy was like wtf does that tattoo mean vinny and in my head the whole time I knew exactly what he was going through. I’ve been through that feeling way to many times. But that’s all you can do somethings are uncontrollable. That’s what makes life, Life.